Another (!!) Rockstar Piercing (Pt 3)

I did not intend for this to be a three-part series, but it’s looking like lumping this in with the other two will make the most sense. I’ve already written about the study that Ketchup Klinik mentioned to me that I may be a perfect candidate for, and I had my appointment at the end of October. Now I have more information, and I have a much better idea of what hoops I’ll need to jump through to complete the study (if all the heads of the study agree that I am indeed a candidate; it is not set in stone yet).

Good-ish news: this post won’t be quite as graphic as part 2. It may be clinical at some points, but not terrible.

On the 22nd, my cab picked me up at 4:30 am to check in for my 7:30 MRI. I got my IV port set, got undressed and into my sexy hospital gown and booties, and went back to the waiting room to display my hairy legs to the rest of the people waiting. (Hey - I live in Wisconsin. I don’t shave my legs in the winter...it’s fucking freezing up here and I need that layer of warmth.) Also, I have tattoos that scared the hell out of the people on my left side and delighted the people on my right. I was in there for maybe three minutes, when a man came to the door and said “Jillian...uh..Harden?” I shot back “GILLian, and that’s me!” I asked him about drinking contrast - nope, I didn’t have to. I asked him about contrast going in *cough* the other way, to be held with the balloon - nope, not happening. I asked him about holding my breath during certain moments - nope. He happily said that this is a very easy pelvic MRI and I could take a nap if I wanted to, the only thing “extra” I had to do was the IV contrast.

I'll be having none of this 

Holy. Easy. MRI. Batman! Seriously, best one ever. If I had music, it would have been sheer perfection.

When he was done, it was shortly after 9:00am, and I had hours to kill. My appointment with the Associate Dean/Colo-Rectal Surgeon/Completely mouth-wateringly hot doctor wasn’t until 2:30, so I wandered around the building, took a walk outside (which, in hindsight, was not a good idea when my backpack weighed at least 75 pounds and I am woefully out of shape) got something to eat (thanks, mom!), saw that there was a walk-in flu shot clinic during my free time, so I took advantage of that. Then I pretty much just found a comfortable chair (there are tons of them scattered all over the building), and continued working on a page for my altered book/art journal. Also - me being me - struck up a conversation with a conversation with a couple old enough to be my parents and kinda ended up hanging out with them until a half-hour before my appointment (they were heading back to Iowa - the timing was perfect).

So I went and checked in. The receptionist printed out and gave me the long list of my prescriptions that they had on hand. You would think because I’m a Ketchup patient in Wisconsin that they would have all of my information in Minnesota, but no. No, they do not. In fact, they’re quite snobby about the whole thing. Anyway, she hands me the list, and right at the top I see that it’s wrong, so I sit down with the list that I carry with me (because the list is extensive) and just tear up Ketchup Klinik’s list. I mean, massive changes. I couldn’t help thinking WHY ARE YOU NOT SHARING INFORMATION WITHIN YOUR KLINIK?!?!? So frustrating. And I’m fairly organized - what about the poor chumps that aren’t organized? Wowzers. I just can’t imagine.

They call “Jillian” back (I’m so used to it), stick me in a room, comment on all the prescription changes that they need to make, and take off through a back door, ostensibly to enter all of those changes. I’m casually perusing the large rack of information pamphlets, when 42 people enter the tiny room that I’m in. Ok, I’m exaggerating, but seriously, there were like at least 8 people that entered the room. The first one was the Physician’s Assistant that I had already met (and think is totally cute, and I also think HE thinks that I’m totally cute, I just get that vibe) and he introduced me to the Associate Dean of Ketchup Klinik, the man that I’ve been waiting to see….who is also freaking cute. OMG are all the cute guys working at this place?? Or (most likely) I just haven’t been outside all that much since April, so just about everyone outside of this town is drool-worthy. Stupid hormones.

Pictured: Not my medical team, they're WAY hotter

The Associate Dean/Surgeon talks to me for a while about my background with crohn’s disease, what kinds of treatment I’ve been through, what treatment I’m going through right now, and the fact that nothing has seemed to work for me (which is why I’m on Humira - it’s for people that haven’t responded well to other treatments, and I’m sure some of you remember me being in and out of the hospital for six weeks in early 2013 with pancreatitis...that was caused by a drug I was taking for crohn’s). Then he begins talking to me about the timeline with the abscess/fistula and the seton placement. This proceeds to an exam, and he comments about the amount of fluid/blood that he’s getting, and asks if this is normal for me. I indicate that what he’s getting is a light amount, and I usually get a considerable amount more. It’s a blissfully short exam, and he then says that he indeed thinks that I’m a candidate for the study that his physician’s assistant had brought up to me a few months ago.

I’m on the edge of my seat.

“But first,” he says….and my heart drops a little.

“I want to get in there, clean it out, make all the holes much bigger, put in a bigger seton and see how you do with that,” and my heart is somewhere around my toes. ‘Cause yeah, that’s what I want - to be cut open, make everything bigger, including that gd rubberband. I’m holding back tears at this point.

What I'm picturing

Then he asks if I’m seeing a gastroenterologist, which I find to be a kind of ridiculous question, because I’m on Humira. Where do you think I’m getting this stuff? I tell him that yes, I’m seeing the GI team in Ketchup Klinik Eau Claire, and he’s like “um...yeah, I need you to see my gastroenterologist” (this is a moment where I think they are so snobby). I later find out that the GI doc that they want me to see is a head of the study, so that makes a little more sense, but they are incredibly snotty about their other klinik’s.

Here’s what they’re going to do after they cut me to make everything bigger to see what that does: if it is still not healing properly, they are going to put me under again, look at the wound while I’m under, take a biopsy of my belly fat, and send that to the lab to have stem cells grown. It will take about six weeks for the stem cells to be grown properly, then they will coat a plug (that has been used in the past, but not entirely successfully) with my stem cell tissue, call me back for another surgery and put that in and sew me up. Then I’ll have an entire list of visits that I have to make to Ketchup Klinik so they can check up on my progress. The entire study is two years, but can also last the rest of my life. I wasn’t planning on living in this area for that long, but I’m too excited to help other crohn’s patients that I can sacrifice that time - that’s not a huge deal. I won’t live here for the rest of my life, but I can do two years.

This isn’t going to move as fast as I want it to, though, because the lab has to shut down for the year here shortly for some kind of government thing, so I don’t even know when they would start. I’m kind of sitting on pins and needles (or very uncomfortable rubberband loops), because I want this to stop ASAP, but I guess this is a learning opportunity for me. I’ve never been the most patient, and now I must learn.

xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo