A Mortician's Motivation

I don’t mean to brag, y’all, but I am totally in love.


With a mortician. That I see on YouTube. So it’s kind of a one-sided thing at this point.

It'll remain one-sided. S'ok.

*Swoon*

Her name is Caitlin Doughty. She’s amazeballs. I’m in love with pretty much every aspect of her that I’ve seen. I agree with her stand on green burials. She’s educated me on so much, and changed my mind about a lot of things that have to do with the funeral industry (and it is - very much - an industry that is milking you for billions, with a B, each year). I mean, why wouldn’t I want to wash the body of my mother after (God forbid) she passes? How many times has she washed MY body? Why would I want to leave her in the hands of strangers? All fantastic questions that I had never thought of until I watched her channel.


But I’m not here to debate any of that with anyone. It’s personal choice, but she makes brilliant points. (I’ll link to her YouTube channel at the bottom, as well as her website.)
She wrote an article that I’m sure was extraordinarily touchy/difficult to write. I realize that her business is death, and death includes everyone, from the elderly to ones that never got a chance to take their own breath. I knew that the article would be difficult for me to read, but I got through it, and she has inspired me. She was the partial inspiration/motivation for my last blog post. Not only to bring my daughter out of the dark, but to help others talk about their hidden sons and daughters, to go ahead and grieve, because it’s okay.


I’ve always felt a calling to help people. You might find that surprising, as I’m so anti-social, but when I help someone else, it does something for me. You can call my motivations selfish if you wish, but I’m ultimately trying to do the best thing possible.


I’ve always wanted to attend births. I have attended them in the past, and while it was kind of shocking what they *don’t* prepare you for, once you get over that, there’s not much that scares me off. Except one thing, and I’ll get to that in just a second.


I’ve thought that I could be of most help as a midwife or a doula. A doula would allow me to spend 100% of my time focusing on my *one* client, and allow for her to (hopefully) have the smoothest birth that is possible. I’m not entirely sure what needs to happen for me to get this ball rolling, but I do have internet savvy, and I’ve read a bit about what I need to start.


My biggest fear is - of course - losing a baby. I’m trying to console myself with facts (infant mortality rate is down!), and also drawing strength from Caitlin’s article, I think that when I lose a baby, I will just have to grieve. My mom assures me that if I take nursing classes that they will cover grieving and comforting someone who is grieving. The class requirement list I have in my hand doesn’t mention that, but maybe that comes later.


I like the thought of being a nurse, as I’ve had some great nurses in my life. Being a nurse wouldn’t necessarily allow me to be with just my one patient, though. I’m not sure exactly where this path will lead, but I’m starting to explore it. I’ve been a patient for a long, long time, so hopefully that will give me some serious empathy.


I’ve also thought about going the opposite of obstetrics and going into geriatrics. After all, we have an awful lot of gray baby boomers, and they’re going to need care.


With that option, I know that 100% of my patients will be shuffling off their mortal coil. Somehow - even knowing that I will absolutely get attached - geriatrics might be something that is slightly easier for me to handle. And knowing what (little) I know about what Caitlin and the Order of the Good Death has taught me so far, maybe I can help make their last days a touch sunnier with a smiling face, and help their families from getting ripped off when the time does come.


We are all dying, after all. From the second we filled our lungs with oxygen, that clock started ticking. Let’s try to accept it with less fear and more knowledge - the more you know about what’s going to happen, the less you sit there and fill your head with what-ifs. You’ll have actual facts to replace that, and - to me at least - it’s so much more comforting.


Caitlin is a great face to hear these facts from, at least in my opinion. Which is why I *had* to tell you about her.

The Order of the Good Death



xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Daughter's Gift

Image
I knew that she was a girl. I didn’t need a doctor to tell me, I could hear her voice. She already had a name, Lila Grace, named - in part - after her amazing cousin, Grace Ann. And I knew, the second I saw a pink spot of blood, that I had lost her. Just writing that sentence, even now, even six years later, brings me to tears. I don’t know what kind of mother I would have been to little Lila, being that I went through my own mini hell in the past six years. I don’t know why she was taken from me, but I’ve been through the whole list - her body was broken, her father and I aren’t together anymore and what kind of life would that have been for her?, something wasn’t right, *I* am not the best genetic contributor, etc, etc, ad nauseum . It’s pointless to wonder and to beat myself up, but guess what? I do it endlessly. It’s my fault and I killed my baby. With crohn’s. That was my daughter’s gift. Awareness. It's about to get real, y'all. I knew that whateve
Read more

Nerves of Incapacitation

Image
So...as a ton of you know, I’m having my second surgery on December 15. I’m terrified. Normally, surgery doesn’t scare me. It used to, but I’ve had *so* many since 2009 as well as colonoscopies (which you’re essentially asleep for) that I’m accustomed to the process. Honestly? I can’t even *tell* you how many of each I’ve had at this exact moment, without serious thinking about it. Brain damage, what can I say? I’m not actually scared of the process - that’s not unknown territory - but I’m scared that the procedure will *fail*. I’m still having issues that have been going on fairly steadily since June of 2015...WARNING: GROSS ADMISSION AHEAD…… Don't say I didn't warn you... Still with me? Ok. The seton (rubberband) is in place to keep the wound open, because if there’s still pus being produced, it would just start the whole process over again when they would sew shut the abscess/fistula; the pus would collect, with intense, mind
Read more

Colonosco-Nightmare

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…. I’ve been sitting on (hahahahaha butt jokes) a version of this post for some time. I’ve gone through a nice little run-through of all the emotions in the past four months, thus my blog silence. I’ve also been writing elsewhere, and no, you can’t read it (yet). A friend of mine nailed it on the head, first guess - I’m looking at you, Kelly - but I’m not going to talk about it and that delay - it’s totally not worth the blog space. Not even close. Instead, we’re going to go over the fact that January 24th marks my SIXTH colonoscopy. Stop and absorb that. 1 2 3 4 5 SIXTH. FRIGGING. COLONOSCOPY.  I’m 37, y’all. I do not want to hear ANYONE complaining about getting one. GET IT DONE. The reason for this one (other than the fact that crohn’s patients usually average a colonoscopy a year, and I didn’t get one done last year - score) is to check for active disease, because things have been...well, acting up
Read more