Colonosco-Nightmare

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo….

I’ve been sitting on (hahahahaha butt jokes) a version of this post for some time. I’ve gone through a nice little run-through of all the emotions in the past four months, thus my blog silence. I’ve also been writing elsewhere, and no, you can’t read it (yet).

A friend of mine nailed it on the head, first guess - I’m looking at you, Kelly - but I’m not going to talk about it and that delay - it’s totally not worth the blog space. Not even close.

Instead, we’re going to go over the fact that January 24th marks my SIXTH colonoscopy. Stop and absorb that.

1 2 3 4 5 SIXTH. FRIGGING. COLONOSCOPY.  I’m 37, y’all. I do not want to hear ANYONE complaining about getting one. GET IT DONE.

The reason for this one (other than the fact that crohn’s patients usually average a colonoscopy a year, and I didn’t get one done last year - score) is to check for active disease, because things have been...well, acting up. Despite me taking double the amount of Humira (normally one would take it every other week - I take a shot in the belly every week) I’m still having...symptoms. (Anyone with any kind of irritable bowel disease hates saying the word “flare”.) My Rochester GI doc wants to try another prescription (!!) that is supposed to bind with excess stomach acid and therefore reduce symptoms, but another prescription. I take too many as it is now, and I’m trying to come off of the ones that I don’t need anymore! Ugh.

The Rochester GI doc wasn’t very clear - he wrote on my instructions colonoscopy or MR enterogrophy, and in my online instructions he wrote for both. I’m not quite sure why, but I’ll ask my Northland GI doc on the 24th. If I need both I need both, but if I can save myself a trip to Eau Claire, I’m going to.

Back to the colonoscopy for a minute. Seriously, guys - the worst thing about a colonoscopy is the preparation. They sedate you, heavily, for the procedure itself, and you usually don’t remember much - if anything. I recommend scheduling your procedure for as early as you can in the morning, because that cuts short the amount of time that you have to go without eating. Also, you will need a driver, so tell your driver that you will be stopping somewhere to eat or else they will be losing an appendage.

Now - they (Rochester) needs these results to see wtf is going on before they can carry on with any sort of stem cell research. Also, the open wound that I have (the first surgery worked, sort of, it’s just morphed the wound into a blind tract) doesn’t necessarily lend itself to the same surgery that I had, BUT there is a new stem cell surgery that is coming up next year that will turn the cells into some kind of foam. Which is crazy, but I would be a perfect candidate for that surgery. I have to say that again. They would turn my stem cells into foam. What?!? Hallelujah science!

Because I do still have an open wound. Since June of 2015. It wears on a person.