An Open Letter to My Former Roommate

Just to give you some background, he moved out in the month of August, and he took his sweet time doing it. He promised me that he would clean the apartment (he did not), he promised that he would leave me furniture (it's junk, and mentioned below), and I thought that he was a good friend. I did nothing but bend over backwards to make sure that he had a safe, loving space for his two children, and this is my repayment. Any time I talk to him on the phone, he gets butthurt, asking if we're going to be friends (I'm kind of monosyllabic, I can't help it), and I just wanted him gone. This finally happened, but there were many issues, which I felt like I needed to write a letter about. I don't know if I'll ever give it to him, but there is a catharsis is writing it (and letting all of you read it).

I should also note that because of the way that my apartment is designed, I was left with absolutely no furniture, and only because of my sister Jen and Benana am I able to have something to sit on. My blank walls are bothering me a lot, but I suppose one thing at a time.

Dear P;

You seemed so concerned vocally that we’re not going to be friends anymore, but I can’t help but wonder if someone is around you when you express this. I will admit - once again - that I felt that helping you was paying back some of the karma that people had paid unto me and I was unable to pay back.

I think you more than took advantage of this situation. It’s my fault, because I let it continue.

I’m not going to deny that you helped in your way - you would go to the food bank, you would cook and clean, but you HAD to cook and clean while your children were there, because I was not going to be be cleaning up after your family, and this was made very clear from the beginning, and for the most part, I didn’t have a problem with how you kept the house.

When you had me sign a piece of paper for a paltry $10, I think it’s time to lay out some things for you, just so you have VERY clear numbers in front of you.

Rent plus trash every month is $470.15, and half of that would be $235.00.

Minimum charge for a phone line would be $45, but in actuality it was higher several months due to internet overages.

Utilities varied wildly - sometimes $80 a month ($40 halved), and sometimes it was $150 or more in winter months ($75+)

Internet is at least $70 a month - $35

Channels for entertainment (which the children use) $44, $22

I was asked to get a special educational app set on my Kindle that was going to paid for by you for Eli - I did not see a dime from you for 6 months - I paid for it the entire time until I got sick of it and Amazon finally just deleted his profile.

Despite never having money, I smell alcohol on your breath or find it in the freezer. If you were paying monthly bills, *not including food whatsoever*, would be around (utilities figured at $55) $392.00. Now, since December 2016 until July 2018 is 18 months which rings in at $7,056.

THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE the fact that you *never* gave me the full amount of money even when you worked at FG. Not ever. I covered you.I covered you the entire time that you lived in my apartment. How often did you hear me bitch about it?

You almost never gave me the proper amount of money to go to Couderay/Winter and back (104 miles round trip) - every single week to pick up or drop off your children. WIth gas being nearly $3 a gallon, and I get approximately 26 mpg, and you put $7 in….does not compute, Mang.

Don’t’ misunderstand me. I’m not asking for every single dime of this back. But when you get angry with me when I’m just asking questions, it brings me to a boil instantly. You "left" things for me, but it’s essentially junk. The table in the kitchen is great and all, but it’s not an actual kitchen table, and an actual one must be procured, because that’s a card table. The dresser you left leaves much to be desired (there’s nothing in it, yet I can barely open the drawers, which tells me that you thought it was junk as well), and the clear plastic Sterilite 3 drawer thing is absolutely laughable. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I have some art supplies in there right now, but it’s so wrecked, that it’s not even usable.

Get your mail forwarded if you haven’t already. I’m not dealing with it. You can get a packet at the post office, or you can do it online for a dollar.

I don’t appreciate you taking away the box fans. I don’t care if a parishioner bought them for you. I bought the original two for you and your children. YOU broke one, and because you put everything down in the garage (which was NOT ours to use!), I feel it was your fault that it was stolen. When you were given two this spring, you could have given me one of those, but you didn’t. You were greedy, even though I had spend my money on the original two on you and your children. This was rude and it hurt.

There was no food in the cupboard or refrigerator - just some chicken thing that was way out of date, shitty condiments, flat soda, and my medicine. I couldn’t believe you, when I actually looked at the food. I’m confident that you would have kept packing that night. You took all the food off the shelf. You say I won’t eat it, but you don’t know what I’ll eat when I’m STARVING, P. Thank you again.

I don’t appreciate you taking all of my towels. There are three towels here that are mine, and it has only little to do with the missing beach towel - which you replaced with a thin, holy beach towel. None of those are mine. I had at least one white towel with green embroidery, I had more than one dark blue towel (which I now have a single one), and I don’t know where you put the oven mitt that you said that you took off with, but I haven’t seen it yet. All of the towels you replaced are thin and holy, and not in the way you are.

What I really don’t appreciate, here, is that you’ve removed a trust that I had. I’ve had my shit stolen from me before, but it’s usually been family, and I could write it off due to their life at the time (Jen’s just had a baby or I left that bucket behind that the boys can use for toys, whatever). But you did absolutely NOTHING that you promised, and I no longer want anyone to live with me. No one. Not even a partner at this point. I don’t care what hardships I have to endure to live entirely by myself, but I’ve done it before and been fine. It seems that you took every opportunity to take advantage of me. You didn’t have money to give me but you had alcohol on your breath. You would spend it on frivolous things instead of helping me, and I have lost a fundamental trust in the human race because of this. Did you lose a friend? Maybe. I haven’t decided yet. I’m going to miss your kids like crazy, but you’re toxic, and their mother is ten times more so. RIght now I’m not interested in seeing you. As my sister says, “See you in six months for coffee, and then we’ll see.”

I can’t do it. I’m glad you’re gone. Please stay gone for a while. I can't handle you.