Another (!!!!!!!!!!!!) Rockstar Piercing Story

Never in a billion years did I think that I would be writing another Rockstar Piercing blog post. Which should have been my first indicator that my hubris would be punished. So now there could be endless Rockstar Piercing blog posts! Who knows?!

If you’re new and need to catch up, I’ll help you out and link you: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 ...mostly because I am lazy and I do not want to explain what a Rockstar Piercing is again.

Suckers! I put the picture in here anyway! If I have to live it, you can look at it. LOOK AT IT AND KNOW MY SHAME!

So, if we’ve all been paying attention, since the stem-cell placement I have had an open tract that has stayed open despite attempts to treat it, mostly using silver nitrate (literally burning my ass with chemical matchsticks every other week). My Rochester surgery/gastroenterology team has watched it via MRI and nothing has changed. They’ve also checked me with another colonoscopy (yay!) and added another medication.

Featured: Hell Sticks

It’s been decided that they need to look at me under anesthesia on April 17th (which is the first step in the process, anyway, but minus the belly fat biopsy because they already have my stem cells on file, growing tiny Jill's down in the lab) and they would like to do it ASAP - and if they find a through tract (a hole on either end) they’re going to place a seton - the dreaded Rockstar Piercing.

Can you see how a person wearing one of these feels...less than? I was about to say that this was about to get TMI, but the whole damn blog is TMI, so here goes: You do not feel sexy when you have a rubber band loop sticking out of your asshole.

There. I said it.

I had one in there for a long time, and I’m *just* starting to feel like a normal woman again, like I can start my crazy dating life again, and they might want to place another seton.

Seriously?

I don’t quite feel 100% anyway, because I’ve been wearing some type of pad - every single day - since June of 2015. Every. Single. Day. Do you know what that means? Diaper rash. No matter what you do - it happens.

She knows. Diaper rash is the frigging *worst*.

So fucking sexy, right?!?

So the pads don’t go away regardless, until they figure out the Foam version of the stem cell research (coming later this year? next year?)

I shouldn't complain. I shouldn't complain at all. I signed up for this. I’m on the healthy end of the crohn’s spectrum. Some parts of it are so mentally heavy to carry, though. I don’t know if they considered that? I think that they may have, because I'm on a low dose of anti-depressants, but a high dose of mood stabilizers and was warned last year before the first stem cell surgery that I was facing a likely rough and bumpy road ahead and to NOT stop taking them while I'm going through this. I know all the big pharma haters, but it makes me very zen (read: zombie) like about a lot of things, and that's really a positive. I don't need to be the super-fiery individual that I was 24/7. She still comes out when she needs to, but I'm looking towards healing, and quiet, and learning about me and others.

Talking about sex and feeling like not much of a sexual being is very awkward, knowing that my family reads my blog, but I'm officially a woman. I think I can manage this tastefully. It's kind of funny that a tiny piece of rubber will completely shut down my libido. Not interested at all. And even if I was, nothing would be happening in the front regions, and it would be a big mess. I can't fathom the embarrassment of having a partner exclaim something to the effect of "What the hell is this blue loop hanging out of your asshole?!?"

And there would be where I died of embarrassment.

And years of backed-up farts would be leaking out for eternity!

However - without getting into too much detail, my sex life is unlike a good portion of the "normal" society. I can be fully dressed for weeks on end and be just peachy with that. Sex doesn't always mean penetration; at least I don't think so.

Anyway - sorry that the blog took a PG-13 rant there, but it's important to realize that I was celibate for two years because of my crippling self-consciousness about that damn seton. And I'm terrified that they're going to do it again, when Jill is just getting her groove back! (Slowly but surely, have men collectively lost IQ points in the past few years?) I realize that dating is just going to get more difficult as I get older, but *damn*. This is some slim pickings, and there are a lot of troll-looking men, lots of horrible shots from under (so you can see the double or triple chin), dirty men (do they think that they're impressing women because they're working men? Because I'm going to paraphrase Tiffany Haddish, my black unicorn, if you're dirty, you've got a dirty dick. Showers are key. I think this might have turned R now?

The point of the blog post is that I do and I don't want this seton stitch. I want to find out what the hell is wrong with me and why I'm not healing, and if it's because it's an open tract, well - we have our answer, Johnny!! If there's not a complete fistula (boring completely through to the other side) I have a lot of questions for my medical team and I need to find out their game plan for getting me healed. If they think I'm going to be eligible for the trial coming up at the end of this year? next year? where they take your stem cells and make foam from them (how cool is that shit?!?) and they'll be (theoretically/likely) to treat it with that. But the waiting and the back and forth, and dealing with doctors in different states, all with their own opinions, it can get frustrating.

OK, you've had enough stream of consciousness Jill babbling for a while. I'd like to try something new, if you guys are up to it. Would you like to ask me questions about what's going on? Or what crohns is like for me? Or whatever poop related question you have? (You will not embarrass me, and I will keep you anonymous!) I'd love for this to start being a little more interactive, start engaging you guys a bit more. If you liked that historical thing I did, I could do that again - just ideas I'm batting around! Let me know! Please email me at inkygirl2020@gmail.com



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